How they stopped Doctor Who from being canceled
by The can of lard
Summary: Ratings are slipping and the BBC needs some way to get the ratings up for Doctor Who. So they decide to take drastic measures! Rated T for corse language


This was by Can of lard (First FANFIC)

(with some help from fear herself)

WARNING: REALLY BAD WRITING, PICKUP LINES AND DRUNK DALEKS/TIME LORDS.

VIEWER DISCRETION IS ADVISED (TEEN)

IN A BBC BOARDROOM

The boss came out of a solid oak door twice as tall as Trumplike, he adjusted his tie and sat down.  
The writers of the show looked at their boss, all cowering in their deep leather seats.

"Okay, we have to figure out how to save Doctor who from being cancelled!" Any ideas...Jones?

The boss, looked at the balding man as if he was a bird of prey, Edward Jones studdered with a reply:

"Sir, um we, us on the writers board have some ideas on how to get the ratings up."

"Well, what are they?" The boss looked slightly more friendly in his rhetoric.

"Well, its getting close to christmas, how 'bout instead of a christmas special with aliens and new companions, we

were thinking of a chrismas special where the doctor goes in the ring in a deathmatch with, a dalek and a Wheeping

Angel. We'll call it Smackdown: Christmas Carnage, ONE NIGHT ONLY!"

He realised he yelled the last part, and once again backed into his seat.

"Is this a joke?" The boss asked, annoyed.

"You don't like it? Well then how about this, The Doctor falls in love with a Dalek. But then we find out the Dalek's

just using him to get it on with the TARDIS! Its exactly what's needed to shake things up!"

The boss looked very pissed, he was trying to control his anger with the writers.

"It seems a little... mature, look if you don't have any good, original, PG13 material then why should I keep you?"

"Okay, Okay, this is it, this is what will rescue the show. We were kind of throwing this around in the boardroom before

you got here, It involves the characters, a lie, and several candid cameras, film the whole thing gorilla style."

As Ed Jones went further into their idea, the room was full of admirations, laughs and fresh ideas. The boss got

the attention of the group.

"Well, ladies and Gentlemen, we might have saved doctor who. Only time will tell."

"The writers walked out of the boardroom, their jobs intact and the boss, ready to put his plan into action.

MEANWHILE,

The Doctor, Donna and a Dalek were in the middle of a battle.

"Ah, YES! The doctor said in his iconic, energised tone. So you killed him, 'cause he threatened your way of life, well what is

your way of life, exactly Dalek Cann? You're little more than a ball of goo encased in a metal shell, is there any glory to that"

"Yes, theres a glory to being powerful, the menace of the galaxy! The dalek yelled back

He then shot his ray, Killing Donna instantly.

"Of course, I don't feel pain when it comes to coping with loss!" The dalek laughed.

"AND CUT! We're done for today, good job guys, thats a wrap!"

The doctor, helped Donna back up. The epic secne onboard the Dalek home ship was actually a stage entirely on greenscreen.  
The doctor then went over to the Dalek.

"Good work today mate, pub?"

So the Doctor and the Dalek (both of whom are real) went out to the doctor and the Dalek suprisingly got a lot

of stares from people on the street. They both, walked into the pub, ready to drink the night away.

LATER THAT NIGHT

"barkeep! I want another pint!" The Dalek demanded his voice slightly off.

"Sir I think you've had too much to drink" The bartender replied, having gotten used to a 7 foot metal cone sitting at a bar

for the past few hours.

"Give me another pint or I'll be forced to get it myself!"

"Sir-"

"EXTERMINATE!!!" The Dalek had terrible aim and shot the bottles of brandy and wine on the back shelf.

The Doctor, meanwhile was trying to pick up some chicks on the other side of the bar. Throughout the night, his pickup lines were

quickly waining in effectiveness.

"Hey, hot stuff I've got a sonic screwdriver. Does anything here need a good screwing?" The doctor said obviously wasted.

The woman slapped him in the face, the docotor fell off the stool and started laughing his head off.

"She don't know what she's missing!" He said to himself. The Dalek, meanwhile was getting his drink. The bartender had checked out

and a new one had replaced him.

"THANK YOU! Jeez!" The Dalek gladly drank his pint. The bartender then moved down the bar to the doctor, still laughing on the floor.

"Sir, would you like a drink? Compliments of the barkeep,"The doctor bounced up and snatched it then proceeded to drink, and

talk to the barkeep.

"Hey, man. I'm trying to pick up a chick, what do you think of this? If you were a booger, I'd pick you first!"

The doctor then collapsed, on the floor but not laughing, asleep. The Dalek also stopped floating and crashed into someones table.

An old man was sitting at the table, was obviously disturbed by the Dalek, Starting hitting it with his shoe. The bartender smirked.

both the Doctor and Dalak Caan were fast asleep, the plan was going smoothly.

STAY TUNED FOR MORE CHAPTERS!!! 


End file.
